On her FaceBook site I ran into pictures of her and 2 other girls taken here at our home. They were with 4 african american 8th grade boys. The pictures were taken in her older brothers room which is located downstairs. I had allowed the three girls to stay in his room while he was gone, for a different place to sleep. It never occured to me she and the girls would sneak these boys in. I know the boys. I worked with them at their elementary school. I like them. I have tried to get her to invite them over, and she never has. Even when her dad even said he would finally except the fact she likes black boys. Apperently they came in the middle of the night, and the pictures just show them sitting on her brothers bed, and floor. I do find it hard to believe that no touching etc. occured. Even tho' I found her site ,I am not able to access her account. And when I told her this morning that I wanted her password to view her profile better she is refusing. I am at a loss. Any suggestions?
Last night on my 12 year old daughters Face Book I found pictures of her with boys....?
First.. call all the parents of the kids that were over that night. You have no clue what went on so the parents need to know in case something comes up at a later date. Second.. Take the computer away and insist on the password for the face book account. You need to let her know you will have the option of periodically checking it to make sure it is appropriate and that she hasn't given to much info about herself to strangers. If she is unwilling then she gets treated like a 2 year old that has to be watched constantly for her own safety. Third.. Make sure your husband is with you when all this goes down so that y'all are a united front! Forth.. ask her why she is sneaking the guys in when you have made it clear that she can have them over? Are they ashamed to come see her in the daylight, is she ashamed of them???? Fifth.. DON"T be ashamed to not want your children to date interracial! We all have our beliefs and we shouldn't be ashamed of it. I personally think you and your husband have been very accommodating to her wishes. She should be thank full for that, allot of parents wouldn't bend on that subject. Lastly remember YOU are the ADULT and she is the CHILD. Good Luck!
Reply:First of all; you should ground her from the computer for at least a month and ground her from going anywhere with her friends for at least another month for sneaking in guys in the middle of the night; especially since you have offered to have them over. Tell her that you are going to add another 2 months if she does not give you her password. The problem with this is that even if you do get her password; she can re-set it; this is why it is so important to have the computer somewhere that you can monitor what she is doing. I had to do it with my daughter as well; so I understand where you are coming from.
You have to nip things in the bud now or things will get worse. You have to stick with your punishment; no backing down; no matter how good she seems to be doing.
Good Luck
Reply:First of all at that age girls hates when their parents set to many rules for them and not letting them date
But sneaking guys in thats way to far
You should talk to her about it
Reply:First off, IGNORE whatever it is diamon gal said. She is obviously young. You MUST PROTECT YOUR 12-YEAR-OLD NO MATTER THE RACE!!!!!!! I would unplug and take away the computer, ground her, etc., etc., etc. When my son was 14-15, skipping school, staying home to play Nintendo, smoke weed, etc. My husband cut the cords on all his toys (he's an electrician and could easily repair them). THAT woke him up! My son is now 27 and hugely successful! Make sure your daughter knows who is boss before it is too late. She is far too big for her britches at 12-years-old!
Reply:threaten to close her facebook and put her on restriction.. if after that, she doesn't give you the password shut it down!!! no 12 year old needs to be hiding something so simple as a webpage from their mom. You need to get on there asap! and you need to have full access to her accounts whether she likes it or not, if she wants privacy get her a journal. You can never be too safe online anymore, you need to protect her as best as you can because she is too young to be able to do it on her own!
good luck!
Reply:12 is young to have a facebook, I would tell her, if she wants to keep it, then she has to give you her password. If my mom ever found out I was sneaking boys in, she would have grounded me for life! That is disrespectful of your daughter to do, she needs to respect your authority. The boys parents probably had no idea, they were even over there. I would definitely contact the boys parents. that in itself, will probably be a wake up call to your daughter. I would take away her privileges to use that bedroom
Reply:OMG!!!!! I think you should like tell her to give you that password or else and that happened to me too my mom never found pix of me but she just found my pic and i told her my password then she saw nothin was wrong and left me alone. If she is refusing to give you her passwird then you are left at nothing than to assume that there is something that she is hiding from you
Reply:Huh...
I don't know where to start. First of all.... why... is the image of 12 and 14 year olds hanging out an automatic red flag for you? Why can't she have friends over? They're not... 16, 17, right.
About asking for her password, well... what did you expect? She wants the right to have an account there that you can't access.
There was a hint of racism involved here concerning the father, I think, but I doubt that's affecting your decision.
Anyway, 12 is the time girls are interested in boys, no doubt. Why not just talk to your daughters about sex, tell them your advice, your expectations. They will have the chance to disobey you, unfortunately, one way or other, so the best thing is to tell 'em how to act right about it, and even why. If you treat them like adults, they'll return the favor.
And I hope you don't ask for a password again... They see you as an adult, a giver, a tutor even, but that doesn't change their right to some privacy from you. I'm sure they see it that way. Good luck!
Reply:First of all what does race have to do with anything? You seem racist to me which is disgusting. It's 2008. GET OVER COLOR OF SKIN! Second of all I understand you want to know more about what goes on in your daughters life but ask her or dont allow her to have a facebook and utilize the computer but do not snoop on her page thats just asking for a horrible relationship with her
Reply:She's only 12 years old. You're responsible for whatever happens to her and also have a right to know what she's posting in her public profile. It could be dangerous or inappropriate. It's just as bad having a 12-year-old on Facebook as it is having 30 something's there... Why can't people see how ridiculous and immature it is to post pictures, comments, and stuff about their life and other people's private life? Can't they just e-mail pictures to each other or send their comments via e-mail so they're private? A 12 year old...I can understand how she might not see what's wrong with it, but all the 30's and 40's year old that are part of it...Unbelievable!
Reply:"they came in the middle of the night."
Ground her for a week at least. We do not allow our daughters to have boys sneaking in while we are asleep. Do you? This is out of hand.
Forget the profile. Just ground her til it hurts. Be careful--she'll try and make the rules.
Reply:Well first off, the part were the boys came over in the middle of the night, and if they literally took pictures and posted them online, tell all of them its a bad idea to post pictures online. If you post too much info, someone could come in the middle of the night and shoot you then steal your daughter. Things happen, and bad things happen more often. My mom tells me these things to the part where it's stuck in your brain forever. Tell her over and over, it's serious business and that it could kill her.
Reply:I totally agree with sammybb...
I am in 8th grade and I have friends in 6th and 7th grade who are girls and I haven't even had a first kiss yet. Don't worry about them if they are generaly responsible. If you push to hard for her password she will get resentful and that wouldn't be good. Having a private place to share with friends and having a private life that parents know nothing about is part of growing up. Ask her once about the details of the visit, maybe ground her for a couple days for not telling you that you were going to have friends over and leave it at that.
Reply:well who cares if they're black?
well if shes 12, take phone, computer TV privileges away.
send her to military school, shes moving too fast for her age.
Reply:In my home computers are not private, I own them and pay for the services. I would take computer away as long as she refuses to give you the password. I think 12 is too young to have a face book page and I would delete it. Also I would speak to the boys that were in your home and their parents. Lastly I would ground your 12yo for a month and not allow any sleepovers until she shows she can be more responsible. Also you should monitor her computer use carefully.
Reply:I understand that you might be concerned with your daughter being around with some boys in the middle of the night. But honestly you have no right to go onto her account. Yes, I know your curious, but you have to trust her.
Another thing, The color of the boys skin doesn't matter. She obviously is a good person to not care about that. She seems like your average teenage girl.
You've raised her to be who she is today. So you should know she doesn't have anything to hide.
Don't worry so much.
Best of luck
Reply:first of all what is with the color of the skin,if they`re black so what,and ur her mother of course she woul`dnt be confortable with you being in her private life...talk to her and tell her that your ok with her dating boys but you so dont need to be worrying about the colors of their skin.......
Reply:Welcome to teenage hood. Expect unexpected and more, and keep instilling your values. I hope you did all the talks about birds and bea's and so on. Your daughter certainly broke your trust and you should have a parental discussion with her because situations like these are perfect recipe for unthinkable. Boys at 13-16 have their hormones ranging so while it was not on the photos just because you have certain expectations from your daughter, it still does not mean that inappropriate things where not going on.
She should provide password and show that there nothing to hide (although most likely she has)or she should face loss of privileges- phone, PC, friends. I am sure you have enough house chores you need help with.
If you watched last Sundays Americas most Wanted- great episode about teenage girl getting in serious problem- another thing to discuss at home about PC safety.
Good luck mom! And keep your backbone strong. It is your house , your rules, you are the parent and provider.
Reply:It looks like your daughter just lost every privilage she owns, like a closed bedroom door, friends over, telephone, television, everything that is non-essential. She will probably be earning them back as you trust her, and you DON'T have to give her a time frame.
This is one of those moments, she needs to know her boundaries. Don't get angry, do it in love, be there to talk to her and take it all away. Spend every moment you can with her because she is filling up a space with boys and it's too soon for all that. Cook with her, do homework together, play together. She needs to be regrounded in family right now. She will appreciate this in years to come.
No comments:
Post a Comment